I rarely speak of my personal life within a business context, but today is an exception. My son Derek, youngest of three sons, today March 22, 2025 celebrates his 29th birthday. Seems like just yesterday that I was pushing him while he was in his favorite red swing in our Glen Ellyn, Illinois backyard. I had built up a wonderland for my children who numbered 6 in all but at the time 5 were at home being that my oldest daughter Jen was an adult and had her own child Jamie.
The family was lively and we had a great life and lifestyle with lots of love and fun. My then wife Kathy, Derek's Mom, was a spook or spy for the Church of Scientology. To those unfamiliar with a church that would use spies, I recommend that you read up a bit. Being a Scientologist myself since the 1970s it looked normal to me and even came with a sense of pride in her involvement. To say that this church played a big role in our lives and the lives of other members would be correct. Kathy's devotion was notable and had achieved some status giving her strong official support for her numerous services to the hierarchy after founder L. Ron Hubbard's death in 1986.
Without telling the entire tale, a time came when I found reasons to resign my church membership and that brought on what is known as “fair game” treatment by the church and its members. I lost every friend and I had many, some were very close and even business associates. It was par for the course but nonetheless startling to experience. Eventually, I divorced Kathy who would not leave the church to remain married and that is always hard on children. In this particular case and similar ones happening to many other ex-scientologists, children are often splintered off and one parent , the ex-scientologist, becomes persona non grata…I fought hard but in the end Kathy was extremely successful in painting a picture of me to our children that was quite disparaging. All part of “fair game” and supported entirely by the church, though heavily denied. My kids knew better in their hearts because I had been very good to them all. Derek fought his Mother's poison as long as he could and of the three boys remained close to me for much longer than any of his siblings. We were great camping, fishing buddies and plain old loving father and son. But then it all changed…
On 2015, on October 8th his Mom passed away from cancer. She had achieved the highest states of spiritual advancement in the church (long story) called Operating Thetan 8 or OT Vlll, and should have, per church propaganda, been more or less invulnerable. Well, that “elite” group of OTVllls had more than its fair share of deaths and Kathy was just one more on the list…all young too. But to my children, she was loved and I never interfered with that. They deserved their relationship with their Mom, but on her death bed, she demanded they end relationship with their dad. Yes, on good authority from someone who intimately knew, she requested that they all completely disconnect from me as her last dying wish. That takes some work to wrap your head around unless you understood the heavy handed indoctrination and potential evil surrounding the church policies regarding ex-members. Right up to the day of Kathy's death, Derek had been planning to spend Thanksgiving with me which we both looked forward to with great anticipation…then suddenly… I never heard from him again. Never!
This very brief synopsis is offered to highlight the fact that I never stopped loving Derek or any of my children. The ugly poison they were indoctrinated with crowned by Kathy's death bed wish became permanent. It has been difficult and always holds a quiet pall over me. To this day, I have only the slightest, but yet still have hope, that someday Derek will call. I am ready to die without it happening but prefer he breaks his oath to disconnect. Perhaps by witnessing some of the things that I had witnessed that had brought about my resignation, he will find himself free one day. One can hope and I do.
Happy Birthday Derek. I always have maintained my love for you. You are welcome to come home anytime. Maybe give thought to the fact that your Mother's deathbed wish made you an orphan when in actuality, you still had a loving Father. It was a terrible sin she committed against you and your brothers and sisters.
Thank you to my site visitors for reading my not uncommon experience and please feel no need to comment or give pity. I have long lived with this situation and made the best of my life both professionally and personally. To an old Italian as myself, la Familia is everything. That is what was lost.
Best,
Donn Marier
DM-Your Own CFO